Conquering COVID-19

When we realized we were going to be home for the foreseeable future, my husband and I came up with a plan to conquer the COVID-19 quarantine. We sat down with our two children, ages 10 and 7, and together, developed a schedule for each day that would work for us all. 9-10 AM: breakfast and review work for the day; 10-11 AM: math, games and exercises: 11-12 PM: reading and writing, etc. Peppered throughout the day, my husband and I would tackle various work calls and meetings. We were going to maintain a kick-ass schedule and come out of the COVID-19 quarantine smarter, better, fitter, healthier and largely unaffected!

This enthusiasm lasted all but a few days, each day letting go of one more aspect of the rigid schedule. We are well into week 11 and how we started is not even close to where we are now. Long gone are the white boards setting the quote or intention of the day with another one carefully outlining the day’s color-coded schedule. I realize the foolishness and naïveté with which I had approached our initial days in quarantine let alone understanding the toll this would all take on our mental health.

Most days, my husband and I leave the kids on their own, giving them license to finish their schoolwork, to relax or as is the case most of the time, to do something in-between. While they have been relatively good about getting their daily work completed with minimal parental involvement (especially my son), most days they are done before lunch time. Much to our chagrin, our workdays do not follow my children’s school schedule requiring us to work well into the early evening.

So, while we continue to work, the kids are largely left unattended. We have stopped micromanaging their behaviors and are letting them be. And much to my surprise, they are flourishing. We are “quaranteaming” with a few neighbors who also have children and the kids have been playing in our private way for the past few months, of course following local protocols including wearing masks and social distancing. They have developed their own creative and imaginative games, they ride their scooters and bikes, and my son even managed to teach himself how to roller blade! My son has discovered his love for the piano, finding music to pop songs online and performing mini-concerts. My daughter has developed her own language with her friend next door, a combination of sounds, taps and signaling through the windows, talking to each other even on rainy days. It’s certainly not perfect but this unsupervised time buys us precious work hours in the afternoon and gives my children independence, fresh air and unstructured playtime.

As the kids discover new interests and hobbies, we have also been enjoying time as a family. In the evenings, we have taken to scooter walks around the neighborhood, relaxed homemade dinners, drawn-out nighttime routines including watching Great British Baking Show (my son’s British accent is so good!) and cuddle-time with a book. Certainly we have our difficult days and moments of complete and utter frustration with the current situation and home confinement. But, we are grateful for what we have and like so many other people, we are trying to do the best we can under these circumstances.

And when my daughter runs down the stairs after having just communicated with her friend next door in their secret language, with a wide toothy smile, and says ”I’m going outside Mommy!”, I grin as I return to my work, knowing that despite everything, my children are relatively happy and will be just fine. And so will I as I savor a few more borrowed hours of peace and quiet.

It's been Messy but it will be OK

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The last time I wrote, the world was a different place. We were living life normally, going to work, school, restaurants, and bars. We were planning vacations, anticipating getaways, buying tickets for concerts and book readings, and making plans for the weekends. We were planning birthday parties and booking rentals, stressing about summer camps, nagging our children to finish their homework and practice their instruments and dances, limiting screen time, and chauffeuring our children to many activities while juggling multiple schedules simultaneously. As we end Week 4 of the Quarantine, our lives could not be more different and our former reality a distant memory.

COVID-19, more commonly known as coronavirus, forever has changed our lives. Working from home, “homeschooling” and social distancing have become the norm. Google hangouts, Zoom meetings, virtual “happy hours” and workout classes and all things digital have now replaced physical connection. Our FaceBook, Instagram and Twitter feeds are filled with memes depicting our adjustments to this new way of life. Instead of rushing around trying to make the next meeting, doctor’s appointment, baseball practice or end-of-day pickup, we are now in a digital race to fill our virtual grocery carts and secure delivery times online at Instacart, Whole Foods, Amazon or the plethora of other delivery services thriving during this pandemic.

And let’s not be mistaken, I’m talking about those of us who are privileged and have the luxury of jobs that allow us to work from home (thank you to the frontline healthcare workers who are risking their lives daily for us!), computers for the whole family, functioning WiFI, and resources to stockpile our food and paper goods reserves. On my google chats and group texts, I lament almost daily about balancing working and childcare, but there are those among us who are struggling with so much more including food, housing and job insecurity.

While the last few weeks have been a blur, I am grateful for all that I have including my health, family, job, shelter and food. There is an underlying current of anxiety, uncertainty and uneasiness that has permeated home and work life. Some have called this “collective trauma” and I couldn’t agree more. On the other hand, this pandemic has forced us to slow down, take stock of what is most important in life, reassess how we handle healthcare and the environment, and open our eyes and hearts to those who have been suffering all along. I hope that we as a society can make some deep, lasting changes to broken systems after this is all done. It’s been a messy journey thus far. But it will be OK.

Turning 40

I lay in bed on the last day of my 30s suffering from insomnia. I listened to my family as they slept. I walked around our apartment in Rome. The minutes crept on and there was no denying it anymore that I was going to be 40 come the new day. This day had arrived a lot sooner than I expected. I had built up this day in my head for a while now, mostly looking at this age with dread and lamenting. In my head, my thoughts went like this, “I can’t believe you are so old,” “How did 40 arrive this quickly?”. “Wait, I haven’t reached my goal weight yet,” “This is not where I thought I’d be in my career,” and so on and so forth. You get the point. I was approaching 40 with feelings of mourning (mostly of my youth), foreboding and unease.

As the sun started to rise, my eyes slowly drifted asleep, I realized that I had been approaching this day wrong. I should have listened to my husband who always seems to be so sensible and mature given these situations. I alone define myself. I alone have the power to make of the moment and feel of the moment what I want. While my age and the lapse of time are simply out of my control, what I think about it, what I feel about it, are solely within my wheelhouse.

So as I woke up, I was greeted with the delightful songs of my kids singing me happy birthday, kisses from my husband, messages from my parents and brother and the sun shining into our beautiful apartment. I was blessed and felt beyond grateful. As I read the beautiful cards my family wrote and sat watching dear friends from around the world sharing beautiful moments of my life, I was reminded of all that I had experienced, all that I had lived, and all that I am.

The expectations I had had for this day slowly released their grasp on me and instead, feelings of acceptance and love embraced me. It turns out that 40 is not that bad afterall. And there’s some relief in knowing that.